Growing up I was that uncoordinated, scrawny, yet somehow slightly sporty kid that every parent was afraid might break in half on the court or field. In one minute I would be shockingly athletic and the next I would trip over the half court line (I swear it had to be raised).

Not to brag too much, but I had pretty fast legs. The issue was my head was always a couple feet faster, leading to some disastrous base running and accidental head dives.

Everyone was always waiting for me to “grow into my body”. I got used to comments like, “eat a burger” and “put some meat on those bones.”

Even through college, I was encouraged to eat whatever, whenever. And I never minded the challenge.

I used to be single. During that time, Super Bowl Sunday often meant an opportunity to be around single men and try to see if any possible relationships could exist. Over the years I learned that it helps to at least pretend that I like and understand football in such a setting. Now, as a married woman, I still find myself creating a cheat sheet for big games just so I sound impressive.

I figured I could share this year.

Here are 10 tips for clueless women watching the Super Bowl:

Is the winter weather being a witch? Were you cheated out of your Powerball victory? Here are 7 winter date ideas for broke (and slightly insane) newlyweds:

1. Fast Food Dinner (by Candlelight)

Wanna go somewhere fancy for dinner but broke as a joke? Buy some of your favorite fast food treats, put them on fancy plates (with garnish) and make your kitchen a romantic candlelight oasis. Don’t forget the little black dress/suit and tie requirements.