Today marks Part 3 of our series centered on pornography and how it affects women, particularly in the church (go here for Part 1, here for Part 2). I want to make it clear that my dear husband is fighting the good fight and is finding victory in this area. I also want to make it clear that I’m not writing anything that has not been approved, and even encouraged by him. We both agree there seems to be a lack of understanding and help for women that are affected by pornography and we hope that together we can begin talking about the issues of porn and lust in a way that isn’t often talked about. Our prayer is that it begins conversations that need to be had and offers help to women who feel like they are barely hanging on

I’ll never forget that horrific line I read in that popular, Christian marriage book that Brandon and I were told to read during our pre-marital counseling. It went something like this,

”The wife lacking in spontaneity may unknowingly be driving her husband into the arms of another woman.”

Ugh. What bull.

It has taken a long time to reverse the damage that one line made on my heart during those fragile months of engagement. I read that line over and over again, internalizing the idea that if I was not “enough” for my husband sexually then I would lead him to an affair.

Don’t get me wrong, that book had a lot of great points. And the author was trying to show wives the importance of loving their husbands physically, but the notion that a woman is ever responsible for her husband staying faithful to her is a lie from the pit of hell.

This blog was not an original part of the series I had in mind, but after hearing from so many women via private messages or emails, I decided we couldn’t have this series without making this one truth clear for a wife struggling with a husband’s lust issue. So let’s go on and throw it out there.

Sweet woman, YOU are not the problem.

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Today marks Part 2 of our series centered on pornography and how it affects women, particularly in the church (go here for Part 1). I want to make it clear that my dear husband is fighting the good fight and is finding victory in this area. I also want to make it clear that I’m not writing anything that has not been approved, and even encouraged by him. We both agree there seems to be a lack of understanding and help for women that are affected by pornography and we hope that together we can begin talking about the issues of porn and lust in a way that isn’t often talked about. Our prayer is that it begins conversations that need to be had and offers help to women who feel like they are barely hanging on.

I’ve been a part of three churches now in which a pastor has stepped down or been let go of due to unresolved lust issues. Still, it took me getting married to begin to actually explore the subject of lust from the male perspective. I found it was much harder to shake off the deep, unresolved fears residing within me in the confines of a marriage.

After we got married, Brandon and I began having conversations I hated but couldn’t help but continue. I’m thankful to have a husband that has not shied away from answering my questions.

But when I began to fully understand the threat of lust in the life of a man, I was devastated. And I had no idea what to do with it.

None of my friends talked about this subject. None of my church families growing up tackled the subject.

So I reacted by doing what was natural to me: I turned inward.

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Today begins a series on pornography and how it affects women, particularly in the church. I want to make it clear that my dear husband is fighting the good fight and is finding victory in this area. I also want to make it clear that I’m not writing anything that has not been approved, and even encouraged by him. We both agree there seems to be a lack of understanding and help for women that are affected by pornography and we hope that together we can begin talking about the issues of porn and lust in a way that isn’t often talked about. Our prayer is that it begins conversations that need to be had and offers help to women who feel like they are barely hanging on.

Porn.

The word that every woman knows, but rarely is ever uttered.

The ghost that leaves so many of us isolated, yet remains hidden from our sight.

The poison that is silently killing us, yet most don’t know we’ve swallowed.

I try not to blog about serious matters unless they are weighing heavy on my heart. Today we are far past “weighing heavy.” Many days this subject feels like it is crushing my heart.

For whatever reason, God has created me to write. I don’t mean that I’m good at it. I just mean that I usually don’t feel complete resolution to the pain or conviction going on inside of me until it is shared outwardly. With that being said, I’m not entering this blog series without any thought. In fact, I have fought any idea of writing about porn for nearly a year now. It’s more than a sensitive subject for many women. It can be excruciating.

But as the days and weeks have passed without much of anything pressing on my heart strong enough to write about, this subject just pushes harder and harder. So maybe I’m supposed to write about it.

Maybe you are supposed to read it.

Have you ever been caught in the middle of a storm while driving on the highway? I’m talking about the kind of storm when you can’t even see out your windshield the rain is coming down so hard, let alone see the cars around you.

I was caught in one with my husband just a couple weeks ago. We were passing through Cincinnati headed home when the downpour began. I knew that if we were going to make it out of this thing I had to stay focused on the road ahead, remain calm, and keep my eyes and ears open. My muscles were on high alert, ready to make a last-second move if a car slammed on its brakes or an accident occurred in front of us. I knew if I even as much blinked I was putting us in danger.

There was one issue with all of this, though…

I wasn’t the one driving.

Brandon was.

But for some reason I felt like my focus and attention was somehow keeping us safe and controlling the situation.

Have I ever mentioned I’m a recovering control-freak?

Well here’s what I’m learning lately…

My tendency is to do this on a daily basis.

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I’m not known for being optimistic, but when I chose our wedding reception location I was banking on the fact that rain wouldn’t be in the forecast.

Optimism has never worked well for me.

It didn’t just rain…it poured.

And the rain didn’t come alone. It brought a tornado warning as well.